'The Man With The Iron Fists' review by Captain Raptor

'The Man With The Iron Fists' review by Captain Raptor

In situations like this, where the only film I'd consider watching at cinemas is Die Hard Another Day (or whatever the fuck they're calling this one) and I haven't seen a new film to review, I'm going to review something I watched on DVD through the week. Besides, nobody wants to hear me talk about a mindless action film like Live Fast, Die Hard anyway. With that in mind, here's The Man With The Iron Fists.

This film came to me with all the good will in the world; produced by Tarantino, one would expect a hot pile of exuberant action madness like Planet Terror, and that's what we get to a degree. The film's action sequences are sublime, each one involving slow-motion, backflips, kung-fu, and far more blood than is possibly contained within the human body. However, Planet Terror had a comical sense of self-awareness and you know that everybody making the film knew it was dumb, but decided to have an excellent time with it. In some senses, The Man With The Iron Fists just feels like a bad film. RZA (co-writer, director and star) made the smart decision to keep the plot simple (There is gold. People use violence to obtain the gold), allowing him to free up the time to use for henchmen getting punched to death instead. As you'd expect, the downside to this smorgasbord of over-the-top violence is that the characterisation and acting is mostly awful. As it tends to, redemption comes in the form of Russell Crowe as the fantastically named Jack Knife, an English mercenary based on RZA's fellow Wu-Tang Clan member Ol' Dirty Bastard. While Mr Knife lacks the sheer insanity of the legendarily enigmatic/mentally disturbed ODB, he makes up for it with the the swaggering confidence and characteristic penchant for violence and women. Jack Knife is a ridiculous characters, and Crowe takes the opportunity to really overact and make the most of the part, as does Lucy Liu as scheming whorehouse owner Madame Blossom. 

The other actors, however, is where the film starts to come apart. RZA's lack of experience as an actor is incredibly evident, and while this doesn't matter in scenes where he punches a man's eye out, it becomes grating and distracting during his limp, lifeless narration, or in in the intermissions between the violence where his character needs to seem happy, or sad, or like he understands what an emotion is. The rest of the cast (in particular main villain Silver Lion, played by Catwoman's Byron Mann) is no better, with every line delivered like they don't understand how to talk, and you get the feeling that most people on-screen don't actually know how deliberately ridiculous everything they're doing is. Ultimately, however, this film is about actions, not words, so the standard of acting is not supposed to be particularly high - not in the Transformers or Expendables sense where it's deemed perfectly acceptable to have no acting talent or decent writing because you threw in a few explosions, but more because The Man With The Iron Fists has some of the most anarchic and creative action to ever be captured on film. The movie has some of the most inventive methods of stabbing people I've ever seen (From Jack Knife's revolving blade that also fires bullets to a suit of armour made mostly out of knives) and RZA understands that up-close and personal violence involving melee weapons, palms and feet is far more interesting to watch than shooting things and blowing them up. As mind-blowingly brilliant as these scenes are, they are to some extent few and far between. There's still a good 40 minutes of poor exposition and abysmal performing if your remove the action scenes and the Crowe/Liu combo, and the film needed to go the whole distance and cut out these section to concentrate more on what it knows it can do well, which is soaking the screen in blood.

At the end of the day, whether or not to recommend this film entirely depends on what type of person you are. If the idea of watching a man made of gold throw a knife-tongued prostitute into a mirror amuses you, then this is certainly the film for you. If you need more than this to satisfy your viewing experience, I suggest you try something else. It's Planet Terror without the humour and same level of acting ability. It's really dumb, and technically it isn't a good film, but for the right type of person, this film could be the best two hours of your week.

'This is 40' review by Captain Raptor

'This Is 40' review by Captain Raptor

This Is 40 is a semi-sequel to writer/director Judd Apatow's 2007 film Knocked Up, which I haven't actually seen, so maybe I'm lacking some necessary backstory and sympathy for Pete and Debbie, the film's protagonists. What I have seen however is Funny People, Apatow's previous film. It's over two hours long, tries to tackle unfunny subject matter in a humorous way starring a male comedian I think is overrated, and it's one of the worst films I've ever seen. This Is 40 is over two hours long, and tries to tackle unfunny subject matter (admittedly ageing is probably funnier than cancer) in a humorous way and stars a male comedian I think is overrated. You can probably understand why I didn't hold high hopes for this movie. 

The movie just about got over the particularly low bar that I had set for it. The problem with reviewing This Is 40 is that there's nothing technically wrong with what it does. All the flaws lie in what it simply didn't do. The film doesn't provide anything other than hackneyed jokes about families that have been made in every sitcom under the sun, and all of the main characters have less personality than a particularly boring pebble. There's no real plot to speak of; this is not a film about the family solving problems, instead they encounter problems, fight about them, agree to never fight again, and then encounter more problems, rinse and repeat. I understand that the film is trying to make a point about the repetitive nature of marriage, but it doesn't make for an entertaining viewing experience. I'm assuming the portrayal of the couple is autobiographical on Apatow's count, as the wife and kids of the family are played by Apatow's real-life wife and kids. This casting decision does This Is 40 no favours. Leslie Mann manages to show great acting ability during the film's more dramatic moments (her shining moment shows her giving a fully believable transition from looks of 'I'm going to kill myself' to 'Life is wonderful!' in about 10 seconds) but she isn't capable of wringing any comedy out of the script. Worse still are the children, an 'adorable' little girl whose job consists of not understanding things, and a teenager who freaks out about TV shows, which is a character I can definitely relate to, but there's nothing particularly funny about it.

The side characters aren't much better either. Talented performers like Chris O'Dowd and John Lithgow are given limp, humourless characters that they can't do anything with. This Is 40 seems to be trying to realistically portray the ups and downs of a suburban couple, but by being realistic and never straying into the wild, the shocking or the surreal the film is left with little to no comedic material. On a side note, it's also hard to sympathise with the family's persistent 'financial problem' as they clearly really bloody rich. Their house is massive, the kids have the latest up-to-date electronics, yet we are constantly told that they are under extreme financial pressure. The film's comedy never reaches a nadir, and while their are witty moments every now and again, the film rarely obtains any large laughs. The only exception I can think of is a fantastic cameo from Bridemaids' Melissa McCarthy, who spews out some ridiculously inventive threats towards the antagonising protagonists in a scene that I think she improvised. Other cameos, such as Megan Fox as (surprise surprise) sassy eye candy and Green Day's Billie Joe Armstrong playing himself provide one or two laughs, but for a film with a runtime of 134 minutes, there's maybe about 20 minutes of genuine comedy. 

Despite how little laughs it earns, the film is never atrociously boring, and between them the cast share enough charisma and talent to make this film more-or-less watchable. When it bears its teeth and is unafraid to be a little nasty, such as threatening children with cars or lines such as "Fuck you, Jill, I'm glad your husband died", a flash of Apatow's better side can still be seen. A poor effort from the man who brought us Superbad, but nowhere near the car crash that was Funny People. Overall, This Is 40 is quite like its portrayal of family life - often boring, repetitive and frustrating, but it's never bad enough for you to fully hate it.

'Lincoln' review by Captain Raptor

'Lincoln' review by Captain Raptor

I hope I'm not rocking the boat with this opinion, but Steven Spielberg is good. Incredibly good. So when a director of Spielberg's magnitude teams up with a dual-Oscar winning actor to present the tale of one of America's most revered historical figures, the expectations are pretty damn high. I'm not a fan of biopics, on the basis that real life is only rarely more interesting that fictitious events, but given that Honest Abe is the President who oversaw the abolition of slavery and the American Civil War, I put aside my preconceptions and went to see Daniel Day-Lewis and friends at the cinema. My mind hasn't been wholly changed.

The biggest problem with Lincoln is, strangely, Lincoln. Despite the considerable talents of Daniel Day-Lewis (which shine through occasionally when Lincoln argues with his wife or tells an anecdote to an awed crowd), the actual character of Lincoln is dull and lifeless. Unwilling to portray the bearded leader as anything other than the perfect, just man of American legends, the Lincoln in this film has no flaws, no personality traits, nothing to make him a character worth watching. He is emotionally restrained to the point of total blankness; for a man purportedly shocked by the horrors of slavery, he rarely seems to be angry or upset over the subject. The film's other biggest flaw is the lack of actual slavery: this is the typical Hollywood method of showing racial prejudice that I complained about in my Django Unchained review, i.e. showing it from the perspective of a bunch of liberal white people. It angers me that a film like Django Unchained which portrays an engaging and heroic black character fighting back against the oppressive slavers receives accusations of racism because of its abundance of racial slurs (which is probably accurate for the time period) but Lincoln, a supposedly more serious film about slavery, contains very few black characters - those that do appear have almost no lines, and no characterization, their main purpose is to get teary-eyed and appreciate the heroic white folk - and nobody bats an eyelid. On a lesser note, the film's soundtrack is disappointingly bland, which I normally wouldn't care much about, but the score is done by cinematic music master John Williams, so I expected something grand and memorable.

It's not all bad. What Lincoln lacks in its story and portrayal of the central character it makes up for with astounding supporting performances. Tommy Lee Jones is on fire as the disgruntled, dedicated abolitionist Thaddeus Stevens, and there are equally brilliant performances from Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Lincoln's son torn between doing his war duty and obeying his father), David Strathairn (the obedient but angered Secretary of State) and Sally Field (Lincoln's depressed and put-upon wife). When these characters are leading the scenes, the on-screen drama gets ramped up, and we get to see the emotion that a film like this desperately needs. And if anybody deserves a special mention, it is surely Jackie Earle Haley - the actor perhaps best known for playing Freddy Krueger somehow manages to give his pro-slavery politician a rational and vaguely sympathetic point of view, and a nicely subtle performance to match. As good as he is, this also makes it all the more irritating that no attention is given to the actual slaves. 

Lincoln is an oddity of a film. It has a phenomenal cast and crew, yet seems so in love with its subject matter that it often forgets to be entertaining. A great performance from Day-Lewis is wasted on a poor script, and it's only the multitude of fantastic actors in supporting roles (I am honour bound to also mention James Spader and Walton Goggins, because they were great in small roles but I haven't yet commended them) that carries the film away from tedium. Normally, I would give Lincoln a slight recommendation, but given that Django Unchained is currently in cinemas you'd be a fool to see Lincoln instead - Django Unchained is better both as a film in general, and as an insight into slavery. I cannot tell a lie - I do not recommend this film.

Top Ten Films of 2012

I thought it might give you a good idea of my own personal preferences and biases as a reviewer if you could see what films from the last year I really liked. Take into account that I still haven't seen two films that I was eager to see in 2012 - Seven Psychopaths and The Man With The Iron Fists, both of which I suspect were awesome. 

10. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey  - A bit over long, and the story's not as epic as the film tries to make it out to be, but a fantastic lead performance from Martin Freeman, the best scene ever done with Gollum and the usual midget-based action adventure from Jackson snuck this film in over Skyfall

9. The Dark Knight Rises - The Dark Knight is my favourite film of all time, and this film comes nowhere close to matching its predecessor,  so all in all this film disappointed me (mostly plot-based issues). However, Nolan's final outing with the Caped Crusader had some explosive action, an engaging and entertaining villain and typical Batman badassery. Never fails to please

8. Dredd - Mindless violence, little characterisation - exactly how a Judge Dredd movie should be. The tragedy that was the Stallone adaptation can become a happily distant memory thanks to this all-out, ball-busting thriller of an action movie. Sit back and watch the big man kick some ass.

7. Killing Them Softly - A concise, well-paced (but not slow) story, Killing Them Softly, had some genuine grittiness to it (For the record, anybody who tries to call the Bourne trilogy and similar action films 'gritty' needs to be slapped with a dictionary), and the realistic, painful portrayal of violence gave this film some excellent tension and, much as I hate this word, realism. Brad Pitt does his leading man thing, while Ray Liotta gives a humble and incredibly impressive turn as a wormy, cowardly mobster.

6. Looper - In the spirit of Inception, this films sees Joseph-Gordon Levitt being solemn, handsome and snarky to a backdrop of inventive and original science-fiction. The action was great, as was the drama and the acting. And it's nice to see Bruce Willis in an honest-to-god serious action movie.

5. The Hunger Games - Inferior to the book, but the strong, gripping story and the excellence of Katniss' character (brought to life excellently by Jennifer Lawrence) remain. The film's fantastic visuals in the Capitol (I can't get enough of dystopian futures. One of my favourite fictional concepts) contradicts the tension and action inside the arena wonderfully. 

4. Ted - Dumb? Undoubtedly. Side-splitting? Also true. I can't remember the last time I saw a genuinely  hilarious comedy in cinemas, but Seth Macfarlane's Ted takes all the best things about Family Guy (essentially just offensive comments and pop culture references) and brings it to the big screen successfully. Seeing the roguish bear talk about 9/11 and Flash Gordon definitely sticks in the memory.

3. Prometheus - Alright, alright, settle down. I loved this film. To pieces. I don't care about the negative reception it got; the film had great action, an A-list cast bringing their A-game, some genuinely smart ideas, ambition and darkness - this was how The Dark Knight Rises should have been. Just with less spaceships. On a similar note, Michael Fassbender's outstanding performance as David is probably the best cinematic acting I've seen since Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight

2. Avengers Assemble - I am proud to say that I am and forever will be a Joss Whedon fanboy. And Christ, did he validate my high opinion of him this year. Combining fantastic set-pieces, sublime dialogue, truly convincing performances and balanced characters, Avengers showed the world how action-comedies need to be made. And kudos to it for avoiding being 'Tony Stark and friends'

1. The Cabin in the Woods - We're not finished with Joss yet. Whedon may have only co-wrote it, but his dazzling wit and affinity for the unexpected shine through in this twisty-turny, surprising and mesmerising psychological-comedy-drama-horror-spoof-action-conspiracy-sci-fi-fantasy-thriller. A film that remains hilarious and shocking without sacrificing intelligence, Drew Goddard's directorial debut also boasts spot-on performances and one of the greatest plots to ever hit the screen. Once again, Joss Whedon demonstrates to the world why I love him more than my friends, my family, and my own existence. 

'Les Misérables' review by Captain Raptor

 

'Les Misérables' review by Captain Raptor

Death. Civil war. Poverty. Depression. It's not hard to see why Les Misérables was a hit at Christmas time. There's nothing better for getting into the festive spirit than watching a starving French prostitute have her teeth pulled out with pliers. But still, nothing like a weepy musical to sell tickets. And Christ, if you are a weeper, be prepared; Little Miss Sunshine this ain't. The film, overall, is quite good (for those of you too lazy to read the whole review, you can opt out now). I say 'quite' because the film is absolutely phenomenal and entrancing when dealing with the more melancholy and  depressing elements of the story (which admittedly comprise the majority of the film), but drippy and mundane when dealing with anything else.

So, there's a pressing issue I need to address before continuing. I thought Russell Crowe was fantastic as the dutiful, pitiless lawman Javert. His performance has been almost universally slated, both for his singing and his acting ability (or lack thereof). I'll admit that I have little to no knowledge of musicals, but I found his singing to be only slightly below the level of the rest of the cast, and not detrimentally so. Crowe's Javert bristles with stoic self-assuredness, an attitude perfectly suiting the character, and seeing him pace up and down a rooftop, belting out 'Stars' is one of the film's more memorable scenes. However, in an effort to appease everyone that I've enraged by daring to praise Mr Crowe, let's move on to the film's most agreeable success: Anne Hathaway. 

Anne Hathaway's secured herself an Oscar nomination for her role as Fantine, the aforementioned hapless French prostitute, and I personally pledge to travel to Hollywood and individually smack each Academy member if she doesn't take home the little statue. She has a screen-time of about 15 minutes, and a haunting screen presence that will stick with you days after leaving the cinema. Hathaway's rendition of 'I Dreamed A Dream' is undoubtedly my favourite moment of the film, a broken, heartfelt anthem of depression. You won't be having fun, but you'll sure as hell enjoy it.

The other characters are a mixed bag: Hugh Jackman (amicable and mistreated convict/protagonist Jean Valjean) and Eddie Redmayne (lovestruck Revolutionary Marius) both give great, emotionally charged performances, whereas Amanda Seyfried, a talented actress, is lumbered with the boring, bland role of Cosette, whose only character trait is to fawn about looking distressed for little justifiable reason. So you can't fall in love and be with the man you literally met yesterday. Boo-hoo. The other characters are being mutilated, oppressed, hunted and killed, Cosette. Get some perspective. 

Cosette aside, the film does have numerous other problems. For one, there is a 30-minute period in the film's middle that has a lull in any sort of drama. After seeing the horrible-but-brilliantly-watchable suffering that Valjean and Fantine go through in the film's opening act, the audience must sit through half an hour of vapid, undramatic young romance (Love at first sight has never been so annoyingly literal; one glance is all it takes for Marius and Cosette to suddenly propose their undying love, Marius almost giving up his life's Revolutionary cause after knowing the girl for 60 seconds) and characters moping about not very much; nestled between graphic portrayals of poverty and bloody war, this drop in tension is jarring and uninteresting. This film is called 'Les Misérables'. Show us some damn misery. 

The quality of the songs also varies. Hugh Jackman is a fantastic singer, but the songs he is given are nigh-undistinguishable from one another. Aside from Hathaway's solos and Crowe's 'Stars', a general rule of thumb is that the songs involving a multitude of singers ('Red & Black', 'Do You Hear The People Sing', 'Lovely Ladies') are more gripping and enjoyable than the musical's duets and solos. So, to sum up: Crowe good, Hathaway better (than everyone. Ever.), Cosette bad, and misery is far more entertaining than happiness could ever hope to be. Yay.